Where I grew up in Yemen, we do not have a nightlife club because men and women are forbidden from mingling in daytime, let alone nighttime. Yemen has a strict, conservative culture that maintains some of the most arcane gender norms and rules. Growing up, I did not talk to girls because they were out of sight. They are hidden in the house, and when they appear in public, they are with a guardian, and covered in a Black uniform from head to toe. The culture of Yemen did not allow for any mingling between the two genders.
I emigrated by myself at the age of 19 from Yemen to the United States. My sole purpose of immigration was to attain the best education and to return back to Yemen upon completing my degrees. But due to the ongoing civil war in Yemen, which instigated one of the worst humanitarian crisis in modern history, I am no longer able to return back to Yemen. So I have to adjust and adapt to American culture, especially as it relates to the uncertain and precarious gender norms.
When I arrived to pursue my Ph.D. at the University of Minnesota, I was not really interested in exploring the nightlife of Minneapolis. The weather was cold, so I spent most of my time in solitude, going from the library to classes to the apartment. That was my routine on repeat for most days, which was a productive rhythm to follow, during which I published with rapidity.
But as I concluded my first Ph.D. year, I was curious to explore the nightlife of Minneapolis. To that end, I visited many clubs in the area. Of all the clubs I visited, Gay 90’s was my favorite for numerous reasons – foremost among them is the people who populate Gay 90’s. For me, the people make the place, and not vice versa. I am always attracted to the experiences I co-create with people, not to any specific places for their own sake.
But as a foreign international student from Yemen going to Gay 90’s for the first time, I experienced some cultural challenges in navigating the insider culture of the club. People come to drink, dance and mostly to have a good, stimulating time. They are looking to engage in activities that are mostly difficult to do outside. In the club, two strangers can meet, and in five minutes, they can be kissing each other and eventually making out.
This all was strange to me, because in the culture of Yemen, kissing a strange woman is unheard of, and those who transgress against such cultural expectations, are severely punished. The culture of Yemen is not forgiven when it comes to sexual experiences. Premarital sex can be punished with stoning to death in Yemen, if the act was done under certain circumstances. In fact, in the past five years, few women and men in Yemen were stoned to death, under charges of sinful adultery.
Since I grew up in Yemen, I never drank alcohol because that is also forbidden; therefore, when I went to Gay 90’s, I got “drunk” into actions instead. I gathered the courage from within to invite groups of women to dance, risking rejection, which is a fearsome feeling that paralyzes many men from approaching women.
What I learned is that people who go to Gay 90’s are not necessarily gay, as there are so many straight people populating the club, which consists of two floors, the first of which is a dancing floor and the second hosts a standup comedy stage. Opened in 1957, Gay 90’s is one of the best clubs in Minneapolis, if not Minnesota.
Having fun is essential to leading a creative intellectual life. Spending all the time in the lab is a recipe for mental draining. However, diversifying the experiences we have during the week encourages nice fluctuations in the human mind, which I find necessary to leading a productive, healthy life of the mind.
Although I came from a county that has zero nightclubs, I found a way to enjoy the clubs in the Minneapolis area – simply by willing myself to have fun, which is the right attitude to have when going out. And no, drinking is not a necessary ingredient for having fun. What is more important than getting drunk in alcohol is to get drunk into action.
Abdulrahman Bindamnan is a Ph.D. student at the University of Minnesota and a contributing author at Psychology Today.
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